Bent, Torn and Broken
by Ryuko-chan
Summary: Akio is supposed to be the devil, right? Well, even the devil gets afraid sometimes. Who can pull him out of it? Kanae!?!?!? No way! Songfic for 'Bent' by Matchbox 20


Bent, Torn, and Broken  
  
A songfic  
  
If I fall along the way  
  
Pick me up and dust me off  
  
If I get too tired to make it  
  
Be my breath so I can walk  
  
The wind whispered through the trees outside the dorm. A lone girl went to the window in the dead of night, and gazed up at a lit window in a point high above the campus. She sighed contritely. If she knew this would be the consequences of her actions, she never would have done what she did so long ago. A shadow paced by the window, paused, then put down the blinds. The girl sighed again and returned to her bed, still thinking about that fateful decision.  
  
In the room above Ohtori, the man still paced. He flopped down on the bed, sighing. He decided to muse out loud, for his musings didn't do him much good in his head.  
  
"I wonder if I'll ever become what I was again." He said, gazing up at the ceiling with unblinking green eyes. He ran a hand through his hair, undoing the ponytail that made him look so professional, and just became what he was. A man, "That's the part I hate. That's the worst part." He confided to the room, "Of course, being mortal has its upsides." He said, shrugging. He turned over, chin resting on his folded arms. He felt a sort of presence around him. Suddenly, he decided to get up. He stood, and walked out of the building with a cutting efficiency.  
  
The girl in her bed sat up, padding on silent feet to the window. She saw the man exit the building, and made to go out of her room. The body on the top bunk stirred.  
  
"Himemiya.." The girl said in her sleep. Anthy stopped. She turned to gaze at the hurrying figure, but turned back to her prince, and went back into her bed.  
  
"Gomen, Onii-sama, I can't help you now.." she thought distantly, making her way back to her bed.  
  
If I need some of your love again  
  
Give me more than I can stand  
  
When my smile gets old and faded  
  
Wait around I'll smile again  
  
Akio, the morning star, hurried into the dueling forest, standing on the grounds. He raised his eyes to the castle. For some reason, he seemed ready to confess to his better half.  
  
"I can't do it anymore!" he shouted, "I can't be what they are!" A light flashed down from the castle, and Akio appeared inside. The silent, sad figure of Dios awaited him. Akio frowned at the tragic prince remnant.  
  
"You knew it, you knew how horrible it was, that's why I left, isn't it?" Akio accused. Dios looked at him through his hair.  
  
"You were best for the job." he said. Akio growled.  
  
"I know that, It's just that despite the benefits, the." he paused, "I can't do it anymore." Dios looked up, amazed at his other half.  
  
"That's not like you.." he said, and then smiled, "Unless it's the girl.." he finished. Akio looked at him with pain in his eyes.  
  
"I'm af-" he said, then he stopped, "I'm concerned," he rephrased, "that we won't get rejoined, that the revolution won't take place. That portion makes little or no difference." Dios smiled.  
  
"She's the one." he said.  
  
"But what if she's not? What if she's just another one in a long line! I thought that Kiryuu Touga was the one, you thought that Nemuro could do it! This one could be another of the line!" he said, angry.  
  
"She's the one." Dios stated, not backing down. Akio sighed.  
  
Shouldn't be so complicated  
  
Just hold me and then  
  
Just hold me again  
  
Can you help me I'm bent  
  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
  
Get put back together  
  
"Besides, it was for our sister, not us." Dios said, back to his old state, quiet and tragic. Akio turned towards the exit.  
  
"That was the plan. It was for Anthy. But, what of me?" he asked.  
  
"You'll always have me." Dios said.  
  
"Yes, that's true, I'll always have you." Akio said, a hint of a laugh in his voice, "Adios." He said as he left the castle. He descended to the school grounds, still distant. As an afterthought, he walked past the window of Anthy and Utena's dorm. Utena slept on the top, her hair spread all across the pillow like an angel. Anthy was on the bottom, curled up into a little nervous ball. Akio smiled bitterly.  
  
"I should have always known that I would be alone. Yet, it's so strange, seeing mortals with such obvious pairings, and no match for yourself." He thought sadly. He walked back to his observatory, still pensive. When he got there, he seated himself in the chair.  
  
"But, if only I knew she was the one. If I knew for sure, it wouldn't be so hard. I wouldn't be so-" he choked on the word, but brought it out into the open anyway, "scared." He said. A soft noise in the doorway alerted him.  
  
Keep breaking me in  
  
And this is how we will live  
  
With you and me bent  
  
If I couldn't sleep could you sleep  
  
Could you paint me better off  
  
"Hello, Onii-sama." Anthy said. Her hair was wild and her clothes were different. She had been awake. Then again, wasn't she always? Akio looked at her, and sighed. She was confused, "I thought, perhaps, I could help." She said. He shook his head faintly.  
  
"No, you've done enough, you're doing, enough." He said. Anthy sighed.  
  
"Akio, it's okay," she said. Akio looked up.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"To be afraid." She said, eyes wide. Akio smiled, and resumed his distant attitude.  
  
"That is a problem I don't have." He said. She smiled bitterly.  
  
"Not used to having human emotions?" she asked. She stood, "Not used to being afraid, lonely? Not used to having human problems that could be cured by anything but sex?" she asked, laughing. Akio glared at her.  
  
"Ano?" he said flatly. She smiled.  
  
"Or perhaps it's guilt.." she said, partly resuming her witch attitude. Akio blinked, but his back was to her. No, it wasn't guilt. If it were, he would have given up long ago.  
  
Could you sympathize with my needs  
  
I know you think I need a lot  
  
I started out clean but I'm jaded  
  
Just phonin it in  
  
Just breaking the skin  
  
With you and me bent  
  
Anthy smiled, "You thought you had found the answer, hadn't you?" she said. Akio turned.  
  
"What?" he asked. She smiled again.  
  
"When you started this whole charade, this whole Rose Bride, revolution thing." She reiterated. She smiled, "You thought that if you could choreograph it all from behind, and leave everyone out of it, then, maybe, just maybe, it would be easier." She said. Akio gave her a long, cold, look.  
  
"Perhaps." He said shortly. She smiled belligerently.  
  
"It's turning out to be a little harder than you thought, isn't it?" she said. Akio scoffed.  
  
"Yeah." He said. He turned to her, "Go, Anthy, go back to your victor." He said. Anthy sneered, but then cowed in remembrance of Utena. She left. Akio gazed through the telescope, sighing.  
  
Can you help me I'm bent  
  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
  
Get put back together  
  
Keep breaking me in  
  
The sky was like a glittering tapestry of diamonds, but, it didn't help Akio. He was still mortal, still broken, still torn, and still unsure of how that would ever change. He turned the telescope to Anthy's dorm window.  
  
"Don't worry about me, onee-chan," he said softly, "I get like this every few centuries." He sat back, thinking.  
  
"I'm supposed to be this huge, evil figure, and well, I am." He sighed, "Huge, evil figures can get afraid, too." He sat up, "I suppose I'll just have to do all I can to make it happen." He said, "Even if it means sacrificing everything I have." For material things didn't really matter to him. The door creaked. Akio turned.  
  
And this is how we will live  
  
Start bending me  
  
It's never enough  
  
'Til I feel all your pieces  
  
Start bending me  
  
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in  
  
"Something wrong, dean?" Touga Kiryuu asked. Akio smiled wanly.  
  
"No, nothing at all, my dear Setokaichou." Touga smiled. He leaned against the wall provocatively. His shirt was unbuttoned, and he was wearing the usual outfit.  
  
"Do you have need of." he said, he raised an eyebrow, "My services?" he asked. Akio gave him a hard look.  
  
"Not at this moment, Kiryuu-san." Akio said. Touga looked disappointed. Akio waved him off, and he left.  
  
"Maybe not ever again.." he thought, knowing that it was not true.. He didn't need it, but it was a welcome distraction from the abysmal turn his "Revolution" was taking. Akio sat, still desolate, still needing something. Something he couldn't identify, something he couldn't have. The door once again creaked open and he whirled to say,  
  
"No, Kiryuu, I don't need any of your services tonight!" when he stopped. It was Kanae! Eyes wide, she blinked at him.  
  
"A-akio?" she said. He smiled, a false one, but that meant little in his world.  
  
"Kanae.." he said, "What's the matter.." he asked, voice raised in entreaty. He walked down to the platform, and took her by the hands. She smiled faintly.  
  
"I just couldn't sleep.. Something seems.. I don't know.. wrong.. tonight. I thought maybe you'd be here. More hoped actually." She said, eyes bright with childish happiness. He smiled.  
  
"Shall we go back to my.. chambers?" he asked. She smiled, and looked into his eyes. Then she blinked, and drew back. She frowned a little at him, but it was only her eyes.  
  
"Akio-san?" she said, voice rising, "What's the matter?" she asked. He blinked, eyes shocked, but otherwise not perturbed.. His body slinked. He walked around to the back of her.  
  
"Nothing, my dear.. Nothing at all.." he breathed on her neck, "Do you wish to accompany me?" he asked, voice smoother than silk, and twice as cold. She shivered.  
  
"I suppose, Akio-san.." And he smiled, and they walked to his room.  
  
Shouldn't be so complicated  
  
Just touch me and then  
  
Just touch me again  
  
Can you help me I'm bent  
  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
  
Get put back together  
  
Keep breaking me in  
  
And this is how we will live  
  
With you and me bent  
  
Akio closed the door as they reached his room. He smiled. Kanae, however, looked at him, seeming lost, and sat down on the bed, still looking at him helplessly. He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked. She smiled faintly.  
  
"I don't feel like it tonight." She said simply, "Couldn't we just.. talk?" she asked hopefully. He blinked, and opened his mouth. He closed it.  
  
"I. Of course." He said. Kanae smiled in relief. Her face melted with worry then.  
  
"Are you all right.. You look tired." She said. Akio smiled, albeit wearily.  
  
"I am." He said. Kanae patted the bed next to her.  
  
"Lie down." She said. He smiled, and did so. She leaned over him, face close to his.  
  
"So. What's the matter?" she asked. Akio sighed faintly. It wasn't as if he could tell her. He simply smiled, and paused deliberately, and said,  
  
"Nothing of great concern, Hime." She smiled at the name, "I have just been having a lot of stress in my life lately." He said. She nodded.  
  
"Yes. I know." He smiled. She didn't know. She couldn't hope to understand. She looked at him.. And smiled, "I hope I can comfort you with one thing." She said. He smiled. Oh how he knew what that was.. But just for cliché's sake..  
  
"And what's that?" he asked, putting his arms around her. She smiled, and blushed.  
  
"The fact that I love you." She said steadfastly. His eyes widened a bit. He stopped.  
  
Without understanding  
  
Hell, I'll go there again  
  
Can you help me I'm bent  
  
He leaned back, and totally relaxed. Kanae leaned forward a bit, questioningly.  
  
"Akio?" she asked. He sighed, this time more of a contented sigh.  
  
*Of course!* he thought *Of course that's what I'm missing.* he thought. He glanced at her, eyes warm, but slightly bitter.  
  
"Hai.. Hai, Hime.." he said. She smiled.  
  
"You just go to sleep.." she said. She kissed him softly on the cheek. He leaned back, and closed his eyes, nights upon nights of sleeplessness catching up.  
  
*That's always what I was missing. What I'll always be missing. What makes him.. Dios, different than I. The love of a human. That's how he could remain. He was loved by Ten'jou for the longest time. And I, I remain because she loves me..* he thought, eyes closed, breath slowly making its way to the regular rhythm of speech. His half-asleep mind formed his lips around these words.  
  
"Pity.." he said softly. Kanae looked up.  
  
"Nani?" she said. Akio smiled sleepily.  
  
"Pity.. I can't.. love you as well.. Hime.." He said. She sat up, eyes wide and hurt in the dark. But Akio was asleep by then, most likely unaware of the thoughts that had voiced themselves in the time before sleep. She sat up, hurt and pained in the dark. Then. Her wide, pained eyes softened to thin pained eyes. She turned around, and brought the covers around the sleeping form of Akio. She gave him one last glance, and got up, walking to the door. She turned to look at him, and a tear fell to the ground. She looked up slightly, and then shut the door.  
  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
  
Get put back together  
  
Yeah, you're breaking me in  
  
And this is how we will live  
  
With you and me bent  
  
The winds were cold at the very top of the observatory. But Kanae paid no mind to that. She contemplated the heights. Silently, she closed her eyes, and set her arms straight out on either side of her. She teetered over the height. And swallowed.  
  
"Being a bit rash, are we?" Akio asked. She jerked, and looked at him, a deer caught in the headlights.  
  
"A-Akio!" she said, surprised. He looked around.  
  
"I spend an awful lot of time here. But I wouldn't choose that kind of death." He said. She opened her mouth, but she knew by the look in his eyes that he didn't remember what he had said just a few moments ago. He opened his arms, "Come on, Hime." He said. Now, she flinched at the nickname.  
  
"Don't call me hime any longer, Akio." She said. Akio's eyes widened, but he nodded. He took her in his arms, and whispered,  
  
"I am more grateful to you, my lovely, than you can know." She smiled, albeit bitterly, and went with him, anywhere he may want to go.  
  
Author's note: This fic left itself all unwritten for so long that Matchbox 20's "Bent" became known as the "Write the damn fic song" among me and my friends.. It was under the heavy relentless playing of this song that I even finished this fic at all.. It played 7 times in 5 days. That's a lot.. I also finished it after drawing a fanart, In it, Akio lies sleeping on a bed, looking all innocent and cute, and Kanae looks depressed above him. The picture reads, "Do demons dream?" the bottom says, "What about the devil himself?" I liked it, and it inspired me to include Kanae in this fic.. As always, I don't own the show, the song, or the lovely lovely brain which made this fic up.. Except for the last one.. I do own that. Now I have to start on another fic.. And yet another song will become the "Write the damn fic song" 


End file.
